Heart Aflame--Learning to Listen

Oct. 26, 2009 Prayer with Cameron and Sarah
My heart felt like it was being pierced, or that it was burning. Like being pierced with a hot iron rod. We were so full of the Spirit. The Lord joined us in some pretty amazing melodies and harmonies. What we sang was beyond our natural ability. At least I know this for myself. When the Spirit fills me He gives me a voice and a musical deftness that flows in a way that I cannot reproduce naturally. The Lord plays Pictionary with me. He shows me images; sometimes the meanings are clear, and sometimes they have to be pieced together in a succession of images. Sometimes I understand them and sometimes I don’t. Tonight I saw these images most vividly: a large, muscular bulging arm; a rocket ship blasting off into space; a large gavel-like stone headed hammer and a lamb; a huge trophy that was bigger than the room and I couldn’t wrap my arms around it (“I am your exceedingly great reward” Genesis 15:1); a nest of white eggs speckled brown with someone pouring something on them that seemed like salt and it was immediately followed by an image of a pack of vicious Dalmatians charging at me (salt preserves, dogs represent evil/false doctrine—Jeremiah 15:21?--I don’t know what the speckles mean…It is used both in describing the bird of prey in Jeremiah 12:9 and the sheep/goats that became Jacob’s inheritance); a bear mauling someone (the jeering of Elijah: 2 Kings 2:23-25); a great beautiful green hillside spotted with white sheep with black faces; the Lord showed me a majestic room so ornate with gold, and artistry, and intricacies beyond description; an image first of 4 black doorways in a desert-looking structure, along with the feeling of not knowing which one to go into; this was followed immediately by an image of the Roman coliseum from the outside, but there was bright gold light shining through the doorways and windows—I had the sense that it was related to the persecuted Christians; immediately following that was an image of the tail of a great wail sticking out of the water, and then an image of a hunter with a gun that was going to shoot it; when I prayed for wells of living water, an image of a gigantic towering ocean wave broke into my mind.
Cameron had a vision of Jesus leading His people through land and desert like Abraham, and He knows where He’s going and how to get there, but we don’t, and He is turning around to make sure we are still following Him and He’s encouraging us to follow close behind and to not set up camp, to not drive permanent stakes in our tents.
…in looking up key words for these images, the words that keeps coming up are devour and inheritance

Oct. 28
Today I felt all of a sudden sad in my spirit, and I didn’t know why. As I was leaving class today I had a conversation with myself that went something like this:
would you give one of those little Bibles to Dr.Gault?
No, I don’t think I could bring myself to do that
But the Lord says that those who are ashamed of Him, He will be ashamed of
I am undeserving to be called your servant. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is indeed weak. Oh Lord forgive me.
As I paused to pray about it just now, however, I got a few very clear images: a small just barely sprouting seed held between finger and thumb, immediately after that, a foot viewed from the bottom stomping down towards me. A few seconds later, after some unclear images I saw clearly an inhaler. About a minute after I prayed, Kate called. She wanted to talk about Alfred’s birthday; I told her that I thought it was okay to spend money for Alfred’s birthday on the Sabbath. Then she asked how I was and I told her about what was going on in my spirit today. She knew exactly what I meant because she’s been getting prayer burdens for the past few months. We prayed through it, and the Lord definitely did something. I saw the whale tail again, and I told her about it. She then read Isaiah 43:16-21 which was amazing because I just read that this morning—actually I read it in context with the surrounding chapters, but it was this portion of it that stuck out to me this morning and I didn’t know why. Hallelujiah. When she started reading that the joy of the Lord came over me and I had to laugh for a minute. After that my spirit lifted. This whole time my heart is feeling that burning…wow, ok so the Spirit is really speaking to me: I just got back from the bathroom. The Lord told me to bring my little Gideon Bible. I opened it to the page that was creased back, and my eyes fell on this: “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” (II Timothy 2:15) It pertains to both my experience just stated about being ashamed, and my recent prayers for revelation of rightly dividing the truth—initiated by my struggle with understanding the Sabbath and what a “new covenant” means for Christians. Hallelujiah. This is just amazing because this past week I’ve been asking the Lord to speak to me through the Word—the living way, just like this. I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude. The thing is, He doesn’t have to grant me such intimacy with His Spirit—these experiences are gifts totally unmerited. So even if He were to take them away from me, to withhold His voice, He would still be totally Holy totally just, still merciful, still loving, still the God of the universe still worthy of my devotion and praise.

Undignified (And the Walls are Coming Down)

Let me tell you about OUR KING. He is moving and shaking. Let me tell you a story.

Last Saturday I was having Sabbath with the Lord at Griffy Lake. I have a special spot by the creek where I go often to meet with Him. Towards the end of my time there, I felt impressed to read the book of Joshua. When I got to chapter 5:13-15, I thought, “I need to tell Kate this!”(she is a close sister in Christ who is staying at my apartment right now). I continued reading until the walls came down and then I just worshiped and told the Lord, “I want to do that! Would you show me some place, and time, and way to do that?” I was imagining walking around the campus, but I wanted the Lord to direct me. As I was reflecting, Kate called. I thought maybe she wanted to watch the chronicles of Narnia with me, but I was thinking, I would rather have a real adventure with her!

Here’s a summary of our conversation:

Kate: are you home right now?
Me: no, what’s up?

K: um, when do you think you will be home?

Me: pretty soon

K: okay, well, I have something to share with you, should I tell you now?
Me: SURE!!

K: ok..so last night I had a dream and you and I were walking around Maxwell Terrace together proclaiming the Word of God—Speaking Scripture…Do you want to do that with me?

Me: YES

So after I hung up it all dawned on me that I had just asked the Lord to show me a way in which I could be like Joshua walking around the walls of Jericho less than 10 minutes ago!! As everything started coming together my joy and exultation rose and I biked hard praising the Lord all the way home. I was so excited. Back at the apartment I told Kate all the incredible details of how God had orchestrated this event. We spent 5 minutes just in reverent awe and praise. Look out the balcony window Kate said, “and this is exactly how it was in my dream. The sky was just like this, and the atmosphere was just like this in my dream. I thought that in my dream it was just the break of dawn because the light was dim just like now, but it is because it is overcast. Wow Lord” we looked at the overcast sky—it was threatening rain.

After getting my Bible, an umbrella, and my phone, we headed out. I set my alarm so that I wouldn’t be late for playing in the opera at 7:40pm, but I felt convicted that the Lord wanted me to trust Him with the timing and that I would get there alright and that I should turn off the phone. After much protesting and debate, with myself, I finally turned it off and left it in the Lord’s hands. I felt convicted to drop the umbrella too so I did.

As we took our first few steps, we saw a butterfly just in front of us above our heads. “Look!” I said, “Look at how it’s flying! That is so unusual!! How weird! Butterflies don’t usually fly like that!” We watched it glide and circle—it was SOARING “What?!! It’s flying like an eagle!! It’s soaring like an eagle, look at that! Kate that is so weird! Butterflies DON”T FLY LIKE THAT!” Then I began quoting Psalm 103 that says He shall cause you to renew your strength like the eagles’. I was ecstatic, Kate was in awe. I took it as a sign from the Lord. (as I thought about it later, I pieced it together with something that had happened earlier that day when I was at Griffy Lake—a red dragon fly landed on my Bible, and then it landed on my hand. It stayed still for a long time so I got a good chance to study it. In admiration, I praised the Lord for His complex little creation and asked Him what He wanted me to learn from it. It’s wings took hold of my attention the most—they were absolutely the thinnest, most delicate things I had ever seen. They were so transparent as to look like nothing even filled in the spaces between the webbed filigree that shaped his wings. It stunned me so much that these diaphanous little wings could actually carry the dragon fly along in the air. It seemed impossible the more I studied those wings. I concluded that the Lord was showing me His sovereign creativity and ability to do anything through this dragonfly—I connected this with the butterfly that is so delicate, yet there it was soaring like an eagle. Maybe butterflies do this once and awhile—but I’ve never seen it before—usually they are going every CRAZY which way, and they remind me a lot of myself…God is mysterious) “God is EVERYWHERE!!” Kate kept exclaiming. As we continued, I said, “wouldn’t it be cool if God held off the rain until we finished 7 laps? “ So I dropped my umbrella. We decided to go around 7 times, and as we went we proclaimed Scripture, sometimes dancing, sometimes singing, sometimes just exclaiming how wonderful our King is. We prayed for awakening in the hearts that live at Maxwell Terrace. People were going in and out, but it didn’t quiet us. By about the fourth lap we noticed that Sherne-Marie was in her car with praise music turned up, rocking out to the Lord. We were so encouraged by this that it made us giddy. By about the fifth lap it started to rain lightly and we noticed that Josiah and Caleb were sitting out on their balcony so we went over to stop and talk. We shared our story of the Lord’s ingenuity for the day. They said that they were going to go play soccer but decided not to when it started raining (I know now why it started raining before we finished 7 laps—God has higher plans). By the time we had finished 7 laps Sherne was now dancing in the rain with her car door open letting out the praise music. We joined her. It was so joyous. We went all out, no shame. Marcia saw us and she came out and started dancing too, singing a song about how David danced before the Lord with all His might and said, “I will become even more undignified than this.” We shouted out to Josiah to join us, and he came out praising the Lord with so much joy. I was so touched by the joy in his face. As we continued shouting, dancing, and singing, Jennifer with her little cousin and Chelsey walked up—they had just come from the park. Jen went up soon to keep little Travis out of the rain, but Chelsey stayed and worshipped with us. I don’t know how it was initiated, but then we gathered together in a huddle and started praying. It was beautiful. Josiah had to go to a party, so he went in to change. Chelsey and Kate stood with their eyes closed and their hands up in reverence. Sherne started rolling on the ground in the puddles saying, “This is the best day of my life!” It truly was remarkable that she wasn’t getting fatigued. Next thing I know she is anointing Josiah with oil and praying over him. Then she asked if she could anoint me. She didn’t just dot her finger with it, she poured it on my head! I was brought to my knees because it was such a humbling honor. She started laughing and dumped the rest on. Then she whispered in my ear some words of encouragment that are between me and God. As soon as she finished I had just enough time to change into concert dress for the opera. Marcia drove, and lo and behold God worked out the timing so that we passed Grace just as she was leaving Maxwell to go to the opera as well, so we gave her a ride. Praise God who holds and sustains all things.

A Sweet Potato and Absurd Grace

The other day as I was eating my sweet potato (topped with melted marshmallows!), I was in the type of mood that clouds out the light of the Son because I cannot see past my failures, and so I became thoughtful about how sweet potatoes never disappoint me. I am always satisfied when I eat a sweet potato. How wonderful, I thought, to be something that never disappoints, that carries out it's purpose in life perfectly...  Great.  So this sweet potato has accomplished more than I have. I just want to carry out my purpose in life and satisfy God. This sweet potato has attained what I feel like I strain, and falter and wear myself out searching for.  

2 Corinthians 4:7
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

The Hummingbird and the Law

This week has been challenging, and honestly pretty rough spiritually and emotionally. After falling into self-hatred, on Wednesday night I fell asleep crying out to God. In the morning I woke up, still half asleep, with the overwhelming sensation of comfort and security, and Scriptures about my identity in Christ running through my head, simultaneously, I was remembering the dream I had just had--I had forget-me-nots growing out of my knuckles, and some guy had forget-me-nots growing out of his eyebrows, and there were several tiny little hummingbirds feeding on the flowers. So that was Thursday morning, and this morning (Friday) when I got back from my run, I sat on Rodelyn's front porch to read the Bible, and I had just finished reading a chapter from the OT, and started reading Psalm 71 which begins "In you oh Lord I put my trust.." and an irregular, intermitten buzzing noise caught my attention. There in front of me, in the bushes, was a hummingbird! I watched, mesmerized, as it flitted about for about half a minute, and left as quickly as it came.
As I process this experience and draw conclusions from it, I realize that first of all, an encounter with a hummingbird is already a special thing, even a gift from God, even a specific reminder from Him of His love. And in fact, that is how it is with any encounter with creation--the sunsets, the flowers are all meant to remind us of God's love--it's all from Him, for us...But then to have this dream come to life, and as an answer to my crying out, was just...so personal.
One other conclusion hit me over the head as I continued my musing this morning; the flowers grew on the hand and the foreheard. This is significant in Scripture--I looked it up and found Deuteronomy 6:4-8 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

and Revelation 22:3-5
"No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. ⁴They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. ⁵There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever."

and Hebrews 10:16
"This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds."

The command in Deuteronomy to write and bind the law on the hand and the forehead is a figurative way of saying that the people of God should both know and do His commands. And the greatest command is love, and God Himself is writing it on my heart and mind.

ADDITION TO THE HUMMINGBIRD STORY!! :D

God is amazing my friends.  Since the first encounter, I have had two more!  Out of His beautiful, whimsical, tender heart, God has decided to send me hummingbirds as His little messengers to remind me that He loves me, He's listening, and to write His law of love on my head and hand.  Two weeks ago I found myself again in the throes of theological tumult.  Anxt-ridden, I felt my mind begin to darken with confusion, and thank God, since I've been through this before, I knew after the second day that the only thing I could do was to take a Sabbath and just set my burden at Jesus' feet.  So on a Saturday, I went down to Griffy Lake, a beautiful day, my guitar, Bible, journal, book, and a secluded inlet, sitting on a large fallen tree bridge.  After worshipping some time, I entered into prayer, during which I was visited by a solitary hummingbird!! I sat in awe as he came to a halt two feet in front of me, and then proceeded to come another foot closer as if to get a good look at me and to make sure he had my attention!  I left Griffy with a peace that transcends understanding and it lasted me through the week.  Hallelujiah Hallelujiah Hallelujiah.  Our Lord Reigns!  God is living my friends and His heart is lovely to behold.  Worship Him in gladness all ye saints.  Call on His name and delight in His ways.  Glory.  

The next encounter was on the following Tuesday.  My dearest sister in Christ Rodelyn asked if we could meet for prayer, and chose a little stone bench in the corner of the Presidents Garden.  It was a haven of peace in the middle of the bustling campus.  About 20 minutes into prayer, Rodi started praying with her eyes open--praising God as she took everything in.  I followed suit, and just as I had finished my first request to God to provide us with divine opportunities for the gospel, low and behold a hummingbird positioned itself right in front of us for a few moments and then flew away.  WOW!  I love my God.  Everyone needs to know Him.  I can't imagine life without Him.  He's awesome.  He's brilliant.  He's beyond comprehension.  He'll come at a moment's notice.  He'll wait a lifetime.  Words utterly fail before Him.  Who will seek Him?  Come, let us seek Him.  He gives us strength for the journey.   

...I decided to look up hummingbirds on wiki.  I'm pretty sure every one I've seen so far is a female ruby-throat, like the picture above...Fun fact--myth: Aztecs wore hummingbird talismans, the talismans being representations as well as actual hummingbird fetishes formed from parts of real hummingbirds: emblematic for their vigor, energy and propensity to do work along with their sharp beaks that mimic instruments of weaponry, bloodletting, penetration and intimacy. Hummingbird talismans were prized as drawing sexual potency, energy, vigor and skill at arms and warfareto the wearer

Tracking Shane

Lately I've been engrossed in Shane's writings. I resonate. Thanks to my BF Rodelyn, who introduced me with his speeches on youtube, now I've completed his book Irresitible Revolution, and have just started Becoming the Answers to Our Prayers. Already on the first few pages is a delightful little story about Mother Teresa that I want to capture.

Mother Teresa was once asked in an interview, "What do you say when you
pray?" She replied, "Nothing, I just listen." So then the reporter
asked, "Well then, what does God say to you?" Her answer: "Nothing
much, He just listens."

The saints say prayer is less about what we say and more about being with the one we love. Prayer is about having a romance with the Divine. The more deeply we are in love with someone, the less we have to say. In fact, a sure sign that we know someone deeply is the ability to enjoy one another without words--to simply admire each other.

Shane also quotes John Perkins and refers to him as a prominent figure in community justice development and racial reconciliation. I'm like, hey, wait a minute. I met John Perkins. I had dinner with him and my Intervarsity mission team at a chineses buffet in Mississippi. The memory kicks up other memories from the trip like our drive back to the church from our meeting with Mr. Perkins in the big van, all of us were charged up and filled with inspiration, dreaming to bring redemption back to Bloomington...But it was the unexpected discovery of fear of black people in myself that really turned out to be the seed for those dreams to take root at all. While in Mississippi, I learned that although I've never had a discriminatory disposition towards blacks, I did have a well hidden, subtle fear, that kept me from believing that blacks could love me and accept me for who I was. I grew up in a neighborhood that was equally black and white. My friends growing up were consistently both black and white, but mostly black. However, I had a few experiences like being chased with a knife, and being jumped twice, and hearing of shootings by our school, and being teased by groups of black kids as I walked home from school, and living across the street from both the vicelords and the gangsters' disciples that must've colored my understanding of how black people saw me.

Anyways, I'm taking a roundabout way to get to the question that I want to focus on, now, seriously. What am I going to do with my life? I'm getting a masters in music education. I have a heart for the poor, and racial reconciliation. I am thinking of taking all this to the inner city.

Simultaneously, I am reading a book called And Still We Rise--The Trials and Triumphs of Twelve Inner-City Students which was given to me by a dear friend, Nicole, on her wedding day. I'm trying to fit the pieces together...

Better Change for the Better

It's amazing what one phone call can do. From someone who's just brimming with the love of Christ that even my most bitter defenses to keep this heart shut up tight are penetrated and that little bit of warmth melts thick layers so I can breathe again. JennySue is one of those lovely motherly women who can tell when something's wrong just by the first few words spoken over the phone, and cares. I don't understand how someone can love me as much as she does when I have done nothing for it. Every time she calls she says "I love you sugar. You call me whenever you need to, I mean it." This woman has no home. She has no vehicle. She has pneumonia, and she just broke her ankle. Her son just got out of jail, and is heading in a bad direction again. She's been praying for him faithfully his whole life. Despite all this EVERY time we talk she is praising the Lord. In contrast, I have been living at my best friend's house in California with several of my other dear friends, eating amazing food nonstop (and chocolate), and sleeping on memory foam every night (if you have it, you know what I mean), and preparing to teach music to little kids next week (which is my career goal)....and yet, I have been bitter, hard hearted, and ungrateful all week. Definitely haven't been praising the Lord like JennySue. Isn't that something..."Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven..."

Matthew 16:24-26
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?"

I wanna lose my life...uhh, but how?

...Speaking of life altering phone calls...the other day I got a voice mail from the police in Bloomington saying that one of my friends was just reported missing. How does that happen? GOD?! That's so messed up. It makes me so mad. I don't give a *&$#! that he's a middle aged, previously homeless man. People can't just fall through the cracks like that. It makes me mad at the church that prohibited from coming to our night (student) services, it makes me mad that if he only had a community like I had, this would never happen. People to call him up randomly and just tell him that he's loved...okay, okay. so mostly I'm mad at myself..because the Lord spoke to me about him awhile back, prodding, whispering for me to check up on him, but I didn't. Well, Rob definitely knows how to fend for himself on the streets. He's my favorite story from Renovo. He invited us into his "home" the week my friends and "went homeless" last summer. After spending some time with us he said, "I don't feel like such a homeless bum anymore because of you," and he got a job as a chef at Shanti the Indian restaurant on Kirkwood, and then got an apartment for himself, and then a scooter so that he could travel to a nearby town to visit his two little twin boys. Whenever they are mentioned, be it ever so briefly, his blue eyes will well up in an instant. This man, uncomely as he may look sometimes (though he cleaned up really well, and could actually pass as one of my uncles), has more love in his heart for his two boys than I have in my little finger... Yet another beautiful person that brings me lower to see what love really is, leaving me in a humbled, awed, mess. God. Love is piercing. and it's not even pretty. it's wild and real. i don't know.

I'm starting to think my life is upside down.

I played my violin senior recital downtown this year so some of my friends that live on the streets could attend. Afterwards, Willy came up to me and in his usual soft-spoken, rather meloncholy manner and with a twinkle in his eye, handed me a little gold cross studded with diamonds, hanging off of a tattered piece of bright blue ribbon. "An angel must have dropped it," he said. Willy is an artist. He paints countless canvases; they are highly imaginative and whimsical. He sells them for $5 or gives them away for free. I have one in my living room that has a canoe with my name painted on it. When I tell him that he could sell them for far more, he says something like, "People pay too much for stuff anyways...I don't need the money, it's not about that after all." Yet again, my life is in stark contrast. My parents pay for everything. I have no needs. Yet this little cross is now one of my most treasured possessions. Sometimes I want to sell everything and see. I want to know what it's like to live like that. Could I? I don't know. Sometimes I'm even scared to ask what holds me back because then I'm face to face with the choice of whether I'm going to confront those things or not. Well, what the heck, I'm thinking them now, and Jesus would have to be the one to pull me through something like that anyways so I'll just write them down anyhow.
1.) my parents and their investments in me
2.)my education--it's a privilege
3.)what would I do with everything?
4.)I'm afraid...and actually more attatched to my possessions than I like to admit to myself

After reading Shane Claiborne's "Irresistable Revolution" I've been thinking about this a lot more. It's been something that has always been deep inside somewhere. It's a deeply seeded conviction that I've had since as long as I can remember--even as a little child I told my parents I wanted to be a missionary doctor..and through my teens I was convinced that living like Mother Teresa was the only way to truely live a life sold out for Christ. (I know that's not true...well, not literally, but in principal, I'd still say yes). Now I'm about to pursue my masters at the top music institution in the nation for music education. My parents are forking over hundreds of thousands...I'm always wondering if I'm going the way I want to go. The way I should go...

Colored Signs

Through the power of Jesus Christ, I believe that we are made for each moment and that every moment before this one was created for this one moment (this one, right now), that they all culminate to this moment (this one right now, as you are reading), and so it goes, hurtling into the future. And we can only account for this because of Jesus Christ because without him the string of moments unravels and are simply moments scattered without purpose, but all staring each other in the face trying to figure out how to stay put together, like a coat that is missing the stitches, it isn't stitched together. But Jesus Christ stitches us together so that he sends us out of our warm comfortable dark ignorance and like stepping out into a winter storm, face the world as it really is.
And see! see how He breathes into you so that you can breathe
Breathe warm breath into the cold
stir life
make things happen
An adventure where one can look back and exclaim "Yes, now I know why He had me cross that perilous river, or climb that gigantic cliff. Now I know why. Why each step of the way."
(Because I am ere, now, In this moment!)
And along the way we must look for the signs because they are there, but the world has covered them up so that we think being lost is the way it should be. And some perhaps some catch a glance a glimmer of the edge of one poking through the bushes that have swallowed it up.
But they will continue wondering because it doesn't look like a sign to them. For, they don't even know what a sign is.
Perhaps no one has told them. Maybe they've seen hundreds of signs and are curious about them, or just assume that they are simply part of the bushes or whatever else latches on to it and tries to eat it away. So, they might at first trhy eating them, or use them for javeline throwing contests!
Lord knows.
But what is anything unless we learn? And how do we learn?
We are taught by others. Or else, through trial and error--with an acute awareness of our body's response. For we have not mere bodies, but souls as well!
And what are these signs? What do they look like? Anyone would say that a good sign is meant to be seen. It should stand out from its surroundings. Ah, but someone, some wretched trickster has painted them, covering their luster. And submitting them to shrouded existence in the ashen grey he has succeeded in dusting the whole land with. But sometimes, when it rains, bits of paint are washed, revealing patches of their true bright colors.
Colors of
joy (that's sky blue)
peace (that's cream) shrouded with apathy (that's grey)
patience (that's purple) shrouded with laziness (that's grey)
kindness (that's rose) shrouded with selfishness (that's grey)
goodness (that's yellow) shrouded with bitterness (that's grey)
faithfulness (that's dark green) shrouded with jealousy (that's grey)
gentleness (that's deep purple) shrouded by gossip (that's grey)
self control ( that's red) shrouded by pride (that's grey
and love (that's gold) shrouded by lust and hate (that's grey)

So here we come with the knowledge of these signs, and a taste of the delicious colors
seeking
and upon finding, using the tools we've been given to scrape away the paint
using our fingernails if we have to,
continuously refining our tools,
working for each other so we can find our way home.